Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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