There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
