He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
