You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
