Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
