we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
