Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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