it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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