piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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