Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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