Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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