I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
