Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
