allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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