i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just gift wrapped bread.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i now understand why vodka
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