thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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