she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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