The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
