did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
