Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
