i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We had sex on a dog bed..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.