the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.