the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.