I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over