the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time