Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
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Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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