I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs