So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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