it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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