planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
