I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
