Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
