Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
false alarm. still invincible.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
