I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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