Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
