It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
