So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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