i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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