And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
