this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
