Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
