how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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