Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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