I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
