i was born a porn star she said
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
