i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
