you didnt know i had herpes?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
