great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
