This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
