I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
