my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
