someone threw a dead crab at me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
