I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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