the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think your dad took our porno
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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