You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
