oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And then he peed in my hair
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