i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
