When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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