So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
