Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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