xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
