i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
