ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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