You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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