I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
