Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i came on her dog
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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