My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
