I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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