a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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