The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
