Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
