I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
