i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
soo... how was my night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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