god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
