508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
