She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my poor anus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
