onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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