If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
