I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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