I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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