Can i not drive my cunt home
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
