It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
