me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
