And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
