Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
