Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
farters have to be the big spoon...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
