Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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