never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
